I was recently informed of your potential decision not to attend Taco-ween this year in favor of some lame ass party in Bumble, MA.
To which I say: What the shit?
I’m now going to go through a list of reasons why you should attend Taco-ween instead.
Reason the first: The theme is Guitar Hero: World Tour. Costumes will be based on band members from across time immemorial. You and Andrew may have started the trend last year with your 80’s rocker themed costume. You could easily reprise your Whitesnake-chick-homage without problem.
2. There will be tacos.
Thirdly, our friends are so much cooler than any of the batshitcrazy people that will be attending a party in where-ever-the-hell-it-is-that-isn’t-JP.
4. Western MA? Honestly? Who the hell lives there anyway? More importantly, who throws a party way the hell out there, forcing friends to drive a long distance in order to attend a party? Lame-ass-ed-ness.
Reason five: JP is T-accessible.
Six: The cab ride home will be a lot cheaper and quicker. Think of poor Jack. Who will, no doubt, be stuck in a crate wishing for nothing more than some attention and love – and possibly to squeeze out a big dookie the second you two walk in the door. Travelling from JP to Newtonville will surely be more expedient than travelling from where ever to Newtonville.
Seven: I’ll be there.
Reason the last: Taco-ween Guitar Hero World Tour Edition could bring world peace. Is a World War something you want pinned on your Bumble-bound shoulders? I should think not.
This recent turn of events seriously endangers our blossoming friendship. Sure, you left a raincoat on your mailbox for me the other day – which was awesome. But what will happen if I need a winter coat in November? After ditching out on, what will undoubtedly be, the Halloween party of the year, I may not consider asking Andrew for a winter coat. In that case, we all loose. Especially the children. That’s right, Al. Think of the children! Those poor, unwashed mashes of weeping children with no food who will greatly benefit from our rock n roll stylins that evening. What will they do if you don’t show up in white pumps with a blond wig? I dare say they will cry. And they will cry enormous pools of blood stained tears yearning for food, education and, eventually, good jobs.
All of that can easily be accomplished with a simple decision: Attend a Halloween party in JP – with tacos. I’ve made my case. The rest is on you, Alex.
The rest is on you.
Yours in Taco-ween unity,