Big Porno Asks For Congressional Bail Out

Larry Flynt and Joe Francis are bringing new meaning to the phrase ‘hard economic times’ by asking Congress for a $5 billion bailout package for the porn industry, in order to avoid pulling out of DVD sales and shooting a load all over the face of their retirement fund.

Both smut peddlers admit that while DVD sales are sagging like Nina Hartley’s boob job, Internet commerce is keeping the industry erect.  

But Flynt and Francis are more concerned about winning back the hearts, vaginas and dicks of the American people, who can’t even be bothered to get the lube out of the night stand with the economy so far down the crapper.

Francis, of Girls Gone Wild fame, likened his business to Apple Pie, the Star Spangled Banner and Bald Eagles, calling the porn industry “cherished” by the American people.

Flynt said that the people of America are too limp to be sexually active, something that is depressing the nation on the whole. “With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind,” said Flynt in a statement. “It’s time for congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America. The only way they can do this is by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly.”

Congress, still preparing to sit for their first official gang bang of 2009, hasn’t discussed bailing out Big Porno, presumably because they’ve already rolled over and gone to sleep after the rodgering they gave the auto industry.

Pick Your Candidate with the help of the Web

Just came across the site Pick Your Candidate. I found it in sort of a round about way. If you read this blog, you know how much I love my Google Reader. One of the feeds I’ve been subscribing to from the very beginning is David Byrne’s blog. Weird, I know, but also true. He posted a political note this morning — and also a post about a dream he had where he was chased by a rock n roll monster — and I felt I should do the same, minus the rock n roll monster.

Pick Your Candidate gives you a list of 25 issues that the Presidential candidates have weighed in on at some point. Topics from gun control to Iran and Iraq to same sex marriage. With the help of a drop down, you select your personal stance on the issues: support, oppose or unknown. Next, you select how important the issue is to you: minimal, important or key. Then Pick Your Candidate matches you up with politician who most close resembles your views, according to the site.

Apparently I didn’t learn enough about Kucinich. Strangely, I’m OK with that.