The Wilford Strikes Back

Those of you who read this blog from time to time know that I have something of a soft spot for one Mr. Wilford Brimley. In fact, in some ways he’s the father of this blog. One drunken night of using a hand a walrus mustache and talking with a gravely voice about the dangers of sugar has launched something like 60 posts so far.

The inaugural post on the site was my take on a remix of a Justin Timberlake song. Check it out if you haven’t read it: Wilford Back (Remix).

While I haven’t delved into Wilford lately… (Oh god. My eyes. Let me rephrase that.)

While I haven’t blogged about Wilford lately, he’s never been far from my thoughts — as if that surly attitude and bushy mustache could ever flutter from my thoughts.

But today, a Wednesday, he returns. Thanks to Gato Island for this real gem:

Five Cats that Look like Wilford Brimley.

For the love of God, please enjoy.

Wilford Back (Remix)

For the past couple of months a few friends and I have taken to saying we normally couldn’t in the guise of Wilford Brimley, which means we get away with it. So, you ask, what do I need to do to harness this awesome power?

It’s simple. Step one: Get outrageously drunk. Step two: put your hand (preferably your right) on your lip and let your fingers dangle like a walrus style mustache. Step 3: Say whatever you want in a Wilford Brimley-like voice. Step 4: Move your fingers while speaking for affect.

We’ve been doing this for a while now and the other day at lunch I got an idea for a song about Wilford. So here it is.

Set to the tune of Sexy Back.

Wilford Back (remix)

Verse 1
I’m bringing Wilford back (yeah)
Quaker oats don’t know how to act
Them oats are so special in their sack
Eat them up to get your health right back
Take ‘em to the bridge

Bridge
Diabetes
You see these needles
Baby, right in my thighs
See these wrinkles if you misbehave
It’s just that sugar makes me feel this way

Chorus
Come here girl
Go ahead, leave that Twinkie
Come to the back
I can’t eat cause I might die

Verse
I’m bring Wilford back
Diabetes kicks my ass
Can’t make up for what the sugar lacks
‘Cause when I eat it, need insulin fast
Take ‘em to the bridge