October Review in Performer

Hi all.

Sometimes you get so busy you forget you submitted album reviews to Performer magazine. Then suddenly, there they are. At least, you do if that you is me.

The latest review is of a band called Stuntditch out of Philly. Check it out in the October issue of Performer or right here on the Review page.

An Open Letter To The Hipster Community

Dear Hipsters,

I’m too fat to be a hipster. Huge fan of black. Black shirts. Black jeans. Maybe a skinny black tie here and there, you know, if the mood strikes me and I can offset it with the right striped shirt. I can’t fit into American Apparel Clothing. My vintage graphic tees are kitschy instead of edgy. They definitely aren’t one of kind.

Square-framed glasses and a round face just don’t jive. Besides, I have perfect vision and filling frames with clear glass is something Klosterman would do.

Speaking of Chuck, I read his oeuvre cover to cover. When I finished I told anyone in ear shot that I completely disagree with any stance he’s ever taken. Well, except for his essay on Billy Joel – Glass Houses is a fucking masterpiece.

I’m losing a lot of my hair, so I can’t get a unique hair cut to match the undiscovered gems on my iPod that – though you’re all hipsters – even you’ve never heard.

And though my awkward, chubby and Old Navy clad appearance may might not the fit the bill, I’m willing to have a Hipster-off any time you want. I always win because I cheat. You’ve heard of the Republic Tigers? Yeah, I saw them on Conan, too. They did the late night circuit after I bought them all a beer one night. Name your bands. I’ve got more. Ever heard of ‘Internet Browser Tool Bar’ or ‘Orange Water Bottle’ or ‘Black Moth Super Rainbow’? You know why? I just made all of those band names up. Except for Black Moth. I saw them play after the Republic Tigers, natch.

Natch, incidentally, is a phrase I coined a while ago back stage at a rock show. I said it to the lead singer of a band you’ve played for someone to show them how deep you are. He took it as his own and used it on stage that night. It spread. Later, we drank Colt .45s and smoked a pack of American Spirits.

Even though I’m busy hanging out at all the same shows you’re at — and a bunch of shows you’ve never even heard of — I’m always the odd man out. Girl jeans always give me wedgies and skinny ties look ridiculous on a big body.

Have you even seen me in American Apparel? No, obviously you haven’t, because if you did, I’d be sixty pounds skinnier and you’d be propping me up as your totally independent minded, wildly well coiffed and blessed-with-the-ability-to-herd-hipsters-like-retarded-cats leader. But such dreams infrequently come true, and that makes me long for things in life that are far out of my reach. Like red headed Punk Rock Girls.

That longing, paired with my solidly white, middle class upbringing make us a perfect match, even though the jeans will never fit quite right.

But, come on, I’ve got the semi underground Chuck Taylors that you all still wear. They always look good with my Polo shirt.

Ironic, isn’t it?

There’s one other potential problem that I’ve been loath to mention until now, but it’s got to be said: Death Cab For Cutie still sucks.

See you at the next secret underground show. I’ll be the guy with my hands in my pockets who outwardly appears to be even less into the music than you.

Brian

The Get Out Clause stars in front of CCTV

The Telegraph is finally reporting that the Manchester, UK band The Get Out Clause couldn’t afford to put together a music video, but it didn’t stop them.

No director, cameras, lighting, make-up or production? No problem.

These rockers decided to record themselves for free on local CCTV cameras. Then, in a stroke of brilliance, requested the video from operators using the Freedom of Information act. They weaved it all together and, ta-da, they had a music video.

I remember seeing this video a while back and thinking it was a really cool gimmick. I never got the full story of how the band brought this all together, but it does add something to the video. Say what you will about the music or the lead singers mustache, the video they created is pretty cool.

Check it out:

Online Thesaurus Fail

I wrote an album review for the local magazine that I freelance for, Performer Magazine, and was trying to find a different word for “showcase.” I asked a few other editors if they had any ideas, but nothing captured exactly what I was trying to express.

That’s OK, I thought, there’s still the world of online thesauri. First I tried the old standby, Thesaurus.com. I typed in ‘showcase’ then ‘show case’ and didn’t get a single result for either version. Well, actually, Thesaurus.com asked if I meant ‘show case’ instead of ‘showcase.’ Looks promising. Sure, I clicked, why not? No results came up.

After a couple of minutes of questioning Thesaurus.com’s ability to function as an actual thesaurus, I moved on to Merriam-Webster – that paragon of Word of the Day. Again I tried both ‘showcase’ and ‘show case.’ Again, I got no results. Well, almost no results. Merriam-Webster didn’t exactly say: ‘We ain’t found shit!’ But it was close.

Instead, it asked if I could’ve been searching for either of these two words:

Jocose
Sausage

Really. Sausage. Showcase. Jocose. Showcase. Sausage. Oh yeah, I can see how those might be related.

Fail.

ChaCha for Jargon

Found a few interesting Websites this morning that I thought would be worth point out.

The first is ChaCha. It’s sort of like Twitter — but completely different at the same time. Instead of using ChaCha to microblog about yourself, ChaCha is there to answer questions. The similarity? Well, I guess it’s that you use your phone to send an SMS message and then something magical and mysterious happens somewhere in the vast expanses of the Interwebs.

ChaCha, incidentally, is the number you text in order to ask a question: 242242. It could be a bot, but when one user asked the question, ‘What’s the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?’ The answer perceived was a direct quote from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

My initial question was: ‘Who are the Knights who say Ni!’? Not too original, I know, but I was in a Pythonesque state of mind. The response I received was:

“Welcome to ChaCha. Your phone just got smarter. Ask away. Your first answer will come shortly. Std txt charges may apply.”

A few minutes later, as promised, I got my answer: “Knights Who Say Ni! Are a band of knights from the comedy film Monty Python and the Holy Grail.”

Not too witty, but to the point nonetheless.

The other website I found this morning is called The Jargon Database. It looks like a site designed to compete with Urban Dictionary. The latest copywrite on Jargon Database is 2004, so maybe they didn’t compete too well. But, on the upside, I found out what a ‘Groove Digger‘ was this morning. Did you know?

All the basics are there — F.A.Q., contact, and submission. The purpose of the site, as Steve points out, is to provide an alternative for strictly technical or business related jargon sites. And, he hopes, it’ll provide a resource to the blog community looking for a place to link to strange and witty words.

As you might imagine, Jargon Database has nowhere near the number of entries and submissions that UD has, but, if nothing else, it’s an alternative. After all, when I get a daily update from Urban Dictionary defining the word ‘Irregardless,’ I think it might be time to move to a new, different, less mind numbing and soul crushing social dictionary.

I know, I know. Irregardless isn’t a word and neither is a lot of stuff that gets posted on UD. But, honestly, doesn’t that site have editors with brains? Isn’t irregardless quite possibly the stupidest word in existence? If you say “Irregardless of the fact that…” what you are saying is that you are basing an argument on things that are simply made up or don’t exist.

Oh, a quick check proves that the Urban Dictionary community has spoken out on irregardless. Maybe there is still hope for this crazy, online world in which my brain lives.

Still, I’m a little angsty about it.